I have nothing

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I have nothing
No one
The loss is overwhelming
I’m lost
I can’t seem to keep
My head above water
Not sure I really want to
I keep praying
To die
I sat out in a thunderstorm
Hoping to get struck
By lightening
But not even God
Wants me
I want to be
With my babies
I am so lost
Without them
I have no love
In my life anymore
So alone
Please God
Let me die

My heart breaks

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My heart breaks
It’s a wonder
no one hears the cracking
It seems so loud
almost a scream

It hurts
The pain is so intense
How am I standing
How have I not fallen to my knees
Writhing in pain

No one understands
They say why are you still sad
It was only a cat
Get over it
Get on with your life

They do not understand
I mourn for my George
But I also mourn for the loss
Of all my babies
I mourn for the loss of my family
I mourn for the loss of being needed
I mourn for the loss of belonging
I mourn for the loss of being loved

The house is no longer a home
It is just empty, a shell
With no life
No love
No one to come home to
No one who needs me
No one who waits for me
No one to love me
Or miss me…

I am alone …….

I am forgotten

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I am forgotten
I am overlooked
I am ignored
I am underestimated

I am beginning to get used
To this treatment
I don’t know how to
Change it

I don’t know how to
Get others to treat me
With more respect

Everyone does it
Family, friends
Even strangers
People on the street

I am so alone

I wish I would just die
I am so tired
Worn out
I want it to be over

I’m tired of the
Constant pain
The pain of living
With no joy
No happiness

Everything is a chore
Even the task of
Taking a shower
Is an effort

There is no light
Anywhere to be seen
Just darkness
No love, no touch
No whisper
Of love in my life

Why am I here
What purpose do I serve
Why don’t you want me
To come home God?

Please God let me come home…….

Me, Myself and I

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In the 50 years I have
Been alive I have learned
The only person you can count on
Is yourself…..
Me, myself and I

Other people let you down
Disappoint you, fail to be there
For you….
But you, yourself will
Always be there

Friends, husbands even
Family will let you down
Fail to be there
When you need them
But you, yourself will still
Be there when the others
Are not…..

Learn to be the best
Friend possible………
To yourself
Learn to enjoy
Your own company
Because that may
Be all you will ever have

Led Astray

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It’s strange that many of us know yet don’t see

that the sky has painted a darker color over the blue sky.

Growth has come anew like a forming divergent path

in the meadow of the fields leading to broad expectations;

yet I can’t help but remember when days were simpler

like the fields of flowers with harvesting bugs and animals.

It must be me only that no one else seems to notice

that this destruction in us is so self-absorbent.

Not a single compassion seen in the light of day

to the dark night of whispering heaves.

What has happen to the strive of showing affection

when love is glassed over above us not to be seen?

Have we become dull like the dry meadow we destroy?

Have we been led astray from that blinding light

that we choose to become corrupted?

Oh, humanity. What have become of us in the end

that we choose greed over kindness?

Don’t let us disappear like the raindrops,

in which they evaporate into thin air.

Let us water and nurture humanity back to tenderness

like when holding hands used to be a sign of friendship.