All Alone

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All Alone
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How can you hurt me so
you act like it was nothing
when you get up and go
but it was really something
to have left me all alone
I sit here and wonder
how you can be so blind
my mind just ponders
Im just too kind
while you have left me all alone
you make up these excuses
and pretend it is okay
but I can’t take the abuse
that you show my way
you have left me all alone
someday you will see
all the pain Im feeling
but this really hurts me
this is why Im fleeing
because you have left me all alone
Now I will leave you in the dust
when you see me walking off
you won’t be thinking about any lust
all you can imagine sitting in your loff
while I leave you all alone

Every Night

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Every Night
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As I think of all
The years gone by
Of the dreams that time did bend
I can’t help but wonder
Where and when
This trail will come to end

Will I be forced
To stand alone
As I try to face the day
Or will I find love
And a gentle touch
To help me find the way

There was a time
Of hopeful dreams
And joy came with each day
And though it was
But years ago
It seems a lifetime away

I do not know
Where that young man went
His eyes did shine so bright
But I miss him
Just as I miss her
Each and every night

In the days of youth
The world was but
An oyster in its shell
With each failed attempt
To open it…
I found another kind of Hell

I found the Hell
Of knowing that
All I held so dear
I couldn’t have
Despite my dreams
But, God, it felt so near

It felt so close
I was so sure
I could touch it any day
But now it feels
Within my heart
So very far away

What I wanted most
Was just someone
Special to call my own
And I’d hold her close
Through every night
And we’d have a happy home

I had not dreams
Of grand design
Nor of mansions in the air
Just an honest love
To withstand time
But I find there’s no one there

Every night I lie
In my bed alone
And I rise each day the same
I have no one
To share my life
No one to share my name

I walk the days
With a painted smile
And I feign a happy heart
And when someone says
“Friend, how are you?”
I gladly play the part

But deep inside
Im so alone
And though surrounded by my friends
I have an empty
Void inside
And the bottom never ends

My friends are great
I love them all
And I know that they mean well
But when they say
“Friend, how are you?”
They don’t want me to tell

For as long as I
Say all is fine
Then they don’t have to deal
With the emptiness
With the loneliness
That every night I have to feel

So I spare them
For if I say
How I really feel
I know they’ll say
“Oh, it’s all right,
It’s really no big deal”

But they go home
To where they live
To where they have a spouse
And I go home
To sleep alone again
In this empty little house

You see for me
It’s a “big deal”
I face it every day
Every night I face
The empty void
Of wanting love to stay

I can’t run away
And hide from it
Although I’d like to try
For every night
When I look at it
A piece of my soul dies

And I don’t know
How many nights
I can take and still be me
Im afraid one day
The man I am
Will be a part of history

He’ll be replace
By someone else
Someone who shows emptiness
The once gentle eyes
Will be replaced
By ones of bitterness

The lonely nights
They do strange things
To a man once brave and bold
They take the laughter,
The warmth of heart
Then turn it to something cold

I don’t want to be
That man I see
Standing down that lonely path
But he comes closer
Every night
And that tears my heart in half

For there’s so much love
Inside of me
I have so much to give
But shattered dreams
And broken hearts
Have took my will to live

Yet I live on
Despite the pain
Though no one can understand
I fake a smile
While deep inside
Im a hurt and broken man

Now I find you
And you give me hope
Even though Im afraid to share
You let me stay
Or you let me go
And you’ve got the nerve to care

You see my Love
I’ve been so hurt
That Im afraid to let it go
And only when
We’re both alone
Can I let my feelings show

It scares me so
To even think
Of letting you inside
‘Cause I’ve done it before
And when she left
The man I was then died

I don’t see why
You hang on to me
Do you see a diamond in the rough?
Or will you come
To me one day
And say you’ve had enough

Then will you leave
And take with you
My heart, my very soul
Knowing all along
I must face it
Every night as I grow old

Oh, why does love
Come to an end
Why does it always go away?
Why can’t I have
That Special One
To hold precious every day

But for now I’ll stay
Just where I am
And keep distance from you
It’s not because
I do not care
I just know not what else to do

But I want you to know
That every night
As I lay down to sleep
I pray to God
To stop the pain
And give me someone to keep

Are you her?
I do not know
And Im afraid to say
But every night
I face the void
Then struggle through the day

So when you see me
Once again
Tell me in your special way
That it’s all right
For me to feel the pain
But that I’ll be OK

Then give to me
That loving kiss
Let me feel that special touch
Then look at me
For what I am
With those eyes I love so much

Let me know
That Im allowed
To grieve for something dead
To feel the pain
Then to let it go
And get it out of my head

Don’t be like the rest
Please look with me
Stand beside and hold my hand
For I can’t face it
All alone
Not in this empty land

‘Cause it’s not all right
Part of me died
But it would help more than you know
To have someone
Who’ll stand beside
And to know she will not go

For I can never love
With all my heart
I can never let it be
‘Till Im allowed
To feel the pain
Then put it behind me

‘Til I can say
“It’s no big deal”
I can not allow myself
To love again
I must put my dream
To gather dust upon a shelf

I do not know
How long that will take
I dare not to even guess
For every night
When I face that void
It makes my soul a mess

You see every night
When I look down
Into that empty space
I see the remains
Of what life was
And tears come to my face

Then I cry so hard
From so deep inside
Though no one else can hear
When I see the love
That could have been
And I shed a silent tear

But perhaps one day
When I trust again
And can believe it to be right
I’ll put aside the pain
And be allowed to feel
Your loving arms…Every Night

An Echo From the Past

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An Echo From the Past
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Tonight I’ve heard
A memory
An echo from the past
It’s now but just
A tiny glow
The flame no longer lasts

I’ve heard it once
Some years ago
The time I do not know
And now it’s echoed
Back at me
After I have grown so old

A memory
Of happy times
Comes out from inner space
I’m sure that all
‘Twas in this room
Could see it in my face

My heart was filled
With such a joy
But then so quickly gone
That though this room
Was overfilled
Its occupants where but one

For just a moment
I was there
Just I from wall to wall
And though these people
Are my friends
I know them not at all

My story is somewhat
Of a simple one
Of it I’m sure you know
I was born here
In this small town
And slowly I did grow

And now my mind
Begins to recall
Memories from throughout the years
And I fight myself
So very hard
To try to hold back the tears

I recall the days
Of summer youth
And of running in the sun
Of chasing girls
Pulling ponytails
And staying up ‘til One

The swimming hole
And climbing trees
Of playing Kick the Can
Of playing House
And tire swings
And my best friend named Stan

I recall a shanty
Old run down home
Sitting by a dusty road
It’s where I lived
A lifetime ago
When I was just a boy

The house we had built
Painted a rustic picture
Set deep in a pine wood glade
My mind recalls
The years spent there
And the memories that were made

But summer games
Can be played no more
There is no yelling and no cheers
No Fourth of July
No fireworks
Just an old man with eyes of tears

For that little boy
He is no more
He’s died and gone away
For time brings age
And a man is born
From the boy of yesterday

And when the man is born
The boy must die
Oh, in his heart it still remains
But he can not run
And jump and shout
And pitch rocks against window pains

And now a memory
Of a Christmas Day
Comes out from within my brain
‘Twas the only Christmas
I can recall
Upon which…it rained

I recall the look
On my Mother’s face
And look of hope and yet despair
For looking under-
Neath the tree
You could not see much there

It was a hard year
For my Parents
A year of hard work and of tries
I recall my Mother
Looking for a sign
In each of her little eyes

Well, my Mother looked
As if she had died
And in spirit she had indeed
She wanted to make this
A happy day
For her children so in need

And she wanted to tell us
That it was not the gifts
But the love we shared that day
She wanted to hold us
In her arms and cry
But my Mother knew not the way

So she held it back
She painted on a smile
But her eyes just could not hide
The wonderful love
The terrible fear
And how hard she cried inside

She was so afraid
The gifts we had
Would not be loved by each of us
Afraid that we’d feel sad
That we’d feel as if
She had violated our trust

But the little presents
That we had
One another for to give
We loved them so
I’ll not forget
In as long as I might live

And looking back now
On that Christmas day
One thing is clear to me
The greatest gift
I’ve yet received
Was love, beneath the tree

Well, I go back home now
When I can
And I see the empty place
Then I hear the voice
Of everyone
Coming out from inner space

I stand there in
The empty rooms
And I stare at faded walls
I see the ghosts
Of years gone by
And I hear the hallowed calls

They call me back
To a time gone by
And generations that are gone
They ran a race
That most call “time”
In the end the clock had won

Then I see the faces
Of yesteryears
Of family members that are no more
They’ve left this Earth
And they’ve sailed away
To a far and distant shore

And it hurts me so
That they’re all gone
With them I can no longer be
Now I’m all alone
Here in the room
With strangers surrounding me

And now a memory
Of a woman’s laugh
So heartfelt and so gay
My mind tells me
I heard that laugh
Upon…my wedding day

After times of laugh
And times of love
Times of hard work and of tears
I wonder why
I most recall
Her laugh after all these years

We shared a life
Of good and bad
We lived it side by side
And we loved each other
All the more
As we began our downhill slide

To my sweet wife
Whom I have known
And have loved so many years
I lay my head back
And I rest
On a pillow filled with tears

It’s filled with tears
Which I have cried
On many a lonely night
And as I lie there
In the dark
I hold my pillow tight

Your sparkling eyes
Your flowing hair
I never saw it turn to snow
I lie awake each night
And I ask the Lord
Why did she have to go?

You left me
Many years ago
The choice was not your own
The Lord he called
Upon you, my Dear
But I’ve seen Grandchildren grown

In this cruel world
I now feel
So old and so alone
And perhaps that’s why
I have been placed
Here, in this nursing home

Well, some say birthdays
Are not for joy
Perhaps this is true I see
And that is why
They were all here today
For this was such a day for me

And I looked down and saw
Those tiny faces
All gathered around me
And I know what the future
Will hold for them
For it is my history

They’ll live and love
They’ll laugh and cry
They will live it day by day
And they’ll seldom feel it
As it slowly
Begins to slip away

Is this to be the woe
Of this old man’s life
To have such a perfect blend
Then to have his past
Catch up with him
To die lonely in…the end

My Loneliness

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My Loneliness
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As the night wears on,
Sleep seems to be so long gone.
Thoughts capture my mind,
Totally one of a kind.
Longing to have someone,
Wanting to be loved
A gentle touch,
A special look that means so much.
The cold night air brings calmness to my soul,
That I will be able to get through it all.
Loneliness may tear me apart,
Hope is still in my heart.
Though the feeling of loneliness won.
When finally sleep sits in,
I realize I am alone.
Only a blanket to keep me warm,
Just a pillow I have on my arm…