Are You the Weakest Link?

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Have fun! Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. You cannot take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil or paper! OK? Let’s find out just how smart and clever you really are. Ready? … GO!!!
FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
ANSWER: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second question, don’t take as much time as you took for the first question (You know you took too much time.)
SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
ANSWER: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person ? ! ?! ? ! ?
THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
ANSWER: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
LAST QUESTION: Mary’s dad has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
ANSWER: Nunu? Nana? Nene? NONO! Of course not. The fifth daughter’s name is Mary. Read the question again.

Funny Thank You

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A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years, when one day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit. Man: “Hi! Im so happy to see you.” Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here a long time. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” Man: “It’s been 10 years!” With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette. Man: “Thank you so much!” Girl: “So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?” Man: “It’s been 10 years!” The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: “Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!” Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): “So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?” Man: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there, too…!”

Blonde's Story

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A blonde is sitting at home one day when she decides she’s sick of hearing blonde jokes. She decides to dye her hair brown, and, to see if it works in making her more intelligent, goes to a farm where she approaches the farmer with the challenge, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?” The farmer chuckles to himself, before replying, “Sure, why not?” The blonde pulls out a calculator and does a bunch of hugely complicated equations and comes up with a number. She says to the farmer, “There are 314 sheep out there.” The farmer is astonished. “You’re right!” he says. “Go take your pick”. The blonde takes a few minutes to pick a sheep, waves to the farmer, and leaves. She’s sitting at home the next day when she hears a knock on her front door. She opens it and finds the farmer standing there holding his hat. He says to her, “If I can guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?”

Funny Dog

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A man was in a butcher’s shop getting some sausage rolls. In comes a dog, puts his paws up against the glass case and buys two lamb chops. The man is so astonished that he leaves his own purchase behind, rushes out, and follows the dog to a bus stop. When the dog gets on and pays with the correct money, the man jumps on too. The dog sits at the back of the bus until his stop when he comes forward and presses the automatic doors. The man follows him to a house where the dog smacks himself up against the door, presses the bell with his nose and scratches his paws against the window. Finally a woman comes to the door, takes the packet of chops and lets the dog in. The man is so impressed he goes up to her and says, “Your dog’s a genius!” “No he’s not,” she replies, “that’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his key.”

Funny Marriage

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Hmmm. . .
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.
3. I take my wife everywhere…but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So, I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said “Dust!”