A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles’ bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. “Im just an ordinary man,” he said, walking up to her, “but in just a week or two, my father will die and I will inherit 20 million dollars.” The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.
A blonde walks into an electronic store and says to the checkout guy,hi id like to buy that tv over there.the man replies sorry i dont sell my goods 2 blonds. so she walked out went home. she dyed her hair black and went back to the store and said to the checkout guy hi id like 2 buy that tv over there. the guy replied sorry i dont sell my goods 2 blonds.she went home and dyed her hair red and walked into the shops and said 2 the guy. hi id like 2 buy that tv over there the guy replied sorry i dont sell my goods 2 blonds she went home and dyed her hair purple and and went back to the shop,asked the guy to buy the tv ova there and he replied the same. sorry i don’t sell my goods 2 blonds. she was very angry by this point and said to him, ive dyed my hair black, red and purple but still you wont sell me that tv over there why not. the guy replied because that tv is a microwave.
One night a father is tucking his daughter in to go to bed and she says her prayers. Girl:”God Bless Mom, dad, Grandpa, and goodbye Grandma. The father asked why she said that. She said “because it is the right thing to say. The next day the grandma died. The dad thought that was strange that, that happened on that day. A few months later he tucked her in to bed. Then she said her prayers. “God Bless Mom, Dad, and goodbye grandpa. The next day grandpa died. A few weeks later she was saying her prayers before bed. She said “God Bless Mom goodbye Dad. All that night he was thinking. He couldn’t get to sleep. That morning he went to the office. He just sat in his chair all day. He waited till 12:00A.M. He didn’t die yet so he knew he wasn’t going to. Then he went home. His wife greeted him at the door. She said “The mailman died on our front porch today. It’s sad too because he was one of my best friends
Comprehending Engineers – Take Two To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk about but calculations and calculations… Comprehending Engineers -Take Three A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude”. The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” “Hi John. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, “That’s so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. And Im going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.” The engineer, after much thought said, “Why cannot these guys play at night?” Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Four What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. Lesson: They build and build and build and build and… to compliment one another. Comprehending Engineers -Take Five Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?” Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing! Comprehending Engineers -Take Six “Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.” Lesson: They are complicated and twisted. Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed Time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, “I like both.”. “Both?”. “Yeah,” replied the engineer. “If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.” Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!
Comprehending Engineers – Take Eight An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked Up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you Im a beautiful princess, that I will stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look Im an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that’s cool! Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!