I Thought I Could Trust You

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The first day I saw you
My eyes would not leave sight of you
I thought you where perfect
I wanted you to be mine
But I was scared to talk to you
I finally go the guts to text you
I remember that summer night so well
I remember us staying up till 4:00
That night you told me you liked me
You said you couldn’t keep your eyes off me
When you were playing basketball
You said I looked perfect
You said I was very pretty prettier then any girl you’ve seen
I believed you
I thought you where a good person
Till I started hearing stuff about you
But you told me they where all lies and don’t believe them
I didn’t believe them
I believe you Because you told me you would never lie to me
Then I started falling for you
Finally the day came and you asked me out
I said yes
Then you said I want this relationship to be longer than a month
I said it will I know it will
Then you started coming to my house
We had fun times at my house
We texted all the time
Till someone fell asleep
I started falling for you even more
I thought you were the one
Then I began to think to myself
I said I don’t just like him I love him
When you told me you loved me
Was when you didn’t even know me that well
I thought it was weird because it seemed like you were rushing it
But then I started to think maybe it’s normal
When we began dating weeks go by
We always kissed we told each other we loved each other
Then you asked me one day lets make out
I thought you were rushing it
It was way too soon and I didn’t want to yet
Then you started asking for more
You started asking sexual stuff
I told you in the beginning before we started to date
I don’t want to do that stuff
You said okay I’ll stop asking
The weeks passed
Then you asked me again
I was so mad at you after you told me you wouldn’t ask again
You said but everyone does it
I said well this girl doesn’t
Then we started to fight even more and it got worse
Then that day came you said you wanted to take a break
I was heart broken
Every night tears were rushing down my face
I couldn’t take it anymore the pain hurt too much
I didn’t know what to do
That week you broke up with me the high school dance was coming up
I was too young to go
But before the dance you told me you loved me
You just needed a break from all the fighting
Then we stopped texting because you were at the dance
Hours passed
You texted me back
We texted for a while till you fell asleep
Then you started to text me even more
Randomly you came out and said you wanted to get back together
I told you you had to show me how much you loved me
You did
Then Thursday came and you asked me out
I said yes
I was happy we were together again
A few days passed
I heard stuff not good stuff
I heard you were grinding on girls at the dance
I heard you asked a girl for a BJ
She was the one who told me you did
She also told me the first time we were dating you told her you liked her
She never knew we were dating till a few days later
She was pissed because she liked you too but you lied to her
She told me everything you said to her
I was really upset
I talked to you about it all
I was yelling at you
I said how could you do that to me the whole time
You said you didn’t
You said she was lying about everything
I said to you no you were the one lying the entire time
You hurt me really bad
I thought I could trust you
I thought you were a good person
You told me you loved me
You said you wanted to be with me forever
You said you would never hurt me
But I was wrong
I was wrong to believe you
You hurt me
My first relationship with a guy and he does this to me
I got told he was a bad guy
But I thought I could change him
But I guess I couldn’t
I know this was all my fault
I know I was stupid but I was so young
Now I know t really you, but I’m glad it’s over between us
I know I still have feelings for you but soon those feelings will leave
and I won’t think about you again
I won’t have to be sad anymore or Have to deal with the pain
Nor my friends and family would worry about me anymore
because they know I’m over you
and I have moved on to a better guy that won’t hurt me like you did.

Trailer Park Blues

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Tired of feeling helpless
Tired of being alone
I’m tired of the trailer park,
and all these trailer park blues.

I’m ashamed, embarrassed,
and sick to my stomach.
Afraid to go out, afraid of people seeing my face
I’m screaming for help!!!
or maybe sympathy I’m not quite sure,
but I know I need to get out of this place

This place makes me afraid,
afraid I’ll never have the courage to leave,
afraid it will strangle the hope and joy out of me,
afraid one day this place will finally break me
to the point there isn’t enough left for me to live.

Heart shattered and heartbroken
I continue on
I continue on for the person I am
and the person I want to be
So dear Mr. Trailer Park,
Got to hell!!!!
Take back your trailer park blues.

Thoughts in Our Heart

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Loving is one thing, that will break your heart.
It will make you do things, that you wouldn’t do from the start.
It will give you feelings, that you thought didn’t exist.
It is what makes you, feel when you’re missed.
It makes one believe, there’s a chance and have no doubt.
That I might have the one, which I can’t live without.
My heart starts to feel, and we’re always happy together.
Thinking this is the one, that we were meant for each other.
Don’t let your guards down, because you’ve opened up your heart.
This is where the things, just start to fall apart.
It causes you to lose, the faith in what was love.
It makes you hate in spite, of all the things above.
We start to lose the feelings of anything we found.
It makes you hate the world and everything around.
Once our heart has been, taken and abused.
We never know what’s next, because we are confused.
We want to believe, that all happens for a reason.
What would that be, that I was meant to be alone?
So I lock my heart away, and throw away the key.
I will not let anyone, do this again to me.
I feel that I am fighting, a battle I’ll never win.
So I don’t think I’ll ever get that close again.
I walk down the road, by myself and all alone.
Maybe that’s the better way, for me and everyone.
Who knows which comes first, the right one or death.
Until I see that day,  I won’t hold my breath.
Some of us will never find, happiness in our heart.
Maybe I was meant to be, alone from the start.

How much does my heart break

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These words my heart holds go unspoken
Some take this as gratitude or token
All these things I’ve wished you believed
But all that happened was me being deceived

If you only knew how much my heart aches
and how much it actuall breaks
You would’ve probably tried
and save me these tears I cry

If you must, put aside my feelings
and do what’s best for your healing.
Do what you must
and do what you believe and trust

Now you do what you would like
and what is able by your might
In your hands is our fate
your decision is what we’ll take.

Hiding Faces

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People don’t get just how hard it is
to be yourself amongst a crowd,
It comes naturally to oh so many
but others struggle to keep themselves.
As people love who they are
others despise and hide who they’ve become as time passed.
They may hide under clothes, make-up, or hair.
They may be hiding from other people,
But they could also be hiding from themselves.
The people who seem so perfect might indeed have no worries,
As the hiding flowers observe from afar.
The perfect ones with no worries may be envied,
But it is the ones who struggle that will make it far.
The ones who hide might not even understand themselves,
They may have been hurt one too many times
But that has prepared them for what life is really like,
Life is full of worries, heart break, and death.
The ones that hide are the ones who have the ability
to embrace all the pain and make it who they are.
Too many people don’t know who they are,
But even more go on without the slightest worry.
As the ones who hide will rise
the ones who are risen will fall.
Life is a battle that’s hard to comprehend,
It’s so easy to lose yourself.
But what’s to lose if you never knew yourself to begin with?
The ones who prefer dark over light
are the ones who won’t parish and die before their time.
Therefore the ones that hide are the wise ones,
ready for life to hit for where there is life there is more death.