Long For

Long For
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Sittin alone,
In artificial light,
Tryin to make it,
Through one last night.

A mix of emotions,
A heart full of woe,
Wondering where,
All this will go.

I felt it was right,
From the very first day,
But in just one second,
That was taken away.

I’m left here alone,
In fear and in pain,
Hoping the chance,
Will come back again.

I feel as though,
I’ve been taken apart,
Pieced back in the wrong sequence,
Missing half of my heart.

Sitting here blindly,
In search of my mind,
But the harder I look,
The less I can find.

What once came naturally,
Was cruelly taken away,
I’ve lost all trace of colour,
The world is now grey.

In seconds I fell,
From positive thoughts,
The creative talent,
That this one being brought.

But being out of my life,
Has left me so bare,
I have lost inspiration,
I’m left in confused despair.

I’m in my bed,
I toss and turn,
My eyes are red,
They’re sore, they burn.

The same thoughts,
Run through my mind,
Of someone who,
Is warm and kind.

I feel him slide,
His hand in mine,
And remember when,
We met first time.

Now that’s over,
I’m here alone,
Paranoia,
What have I done?

I’m all alone, I’ve lost my smile,
Wishing you had stayed a while,
Instead you ignore me when you like,
And fill my head with all your shit.

I’m over you, I’m out of love,
I’m lying here, I’ve had enough,
It’s been a while, but I’m okay,
I take life as it comes each day.

But when I feel I’ve let you go,
You tell me that you’ve missed me so,
And once again I’m in your trap,
Even though you don’t want me back.

So now I’m hooked just as before,
I lie here alone upon my floor,
Thinking of nothing else but you,
Adoration that’s so confused.

I think I’m okay, and that life will go on,
But each night it’s the same when I’m alone,
You say you care, and I believe each word,
But now I’m telling myself I’ve had enough.

I’m living in the past, life was better then,
I need you, we’re supposed to be friends,
But each day you say you don’t have the time,
Is when I realize that I have been blind.

You think you care about me, but this is a lie,
You try to be nice, and I always ask why,
This is not what you want, deep down inside,
And it’s me that gets hurt every single time.

So leave me alone, I need time to myself,
In times of need, it was you that helped,
But you’ve hurt me now, and things will change,
Right now, I don’t want to hear your name.

Everything you say, seems genuine to me,
But I’m hooked on you, it’s easy to see.
I wish things were simple like the start,
but you messed me about, And broke my heart.

I know I will forgive you, and be okay in time,
I never fully believed you’d ever be mine,
But I’m still feeling this everyday,
Wishing things hadn’t gone this way.

I need time alone, so I can move on,
And accept the fact, that I’m not the one,
So leave me to grieve at my own accord,
I don’t want to hear from you. Not one word.

As tiredness dries up these heavy eyes,
I sit alone but I can’t cry
The night is still and house is quiet,
I feel aggressive, my head’s a riot.

My music plays too soft to hear,
MY happy thoughts just disappear,
I sit alone, I feel the cold,
I long for the past, I’m getting old.

I tap the keys, they echo loud,
I’m tryin so hard to make no sound,
But everyone’s asleep, they cannot hear.
They do not know that I’m here.

The silence carries through the night,
The darkness blinds my only sight,
I sitting here wishing for the day,
To take the pain and suffering away.

I’m moving on, I’m starting again,
I’m not sure, if we should be friends.

I look at him, and see the past,
Wishing time would move on fast.

But blocking him out seems extreme,
And I’m not convinced it would help me.

I need to think this over, but it’s a mess,
I’m still being in love. I confess.

Lies, deception, and more and more lies,
Or was it all just a painful disguise?
He loves me, but can’t seem to work it out.
I question him to relieve my doubt.

But every single comment fogs my mind,
I remember him being warm and kind,
His answers are as confused as me,
The truth is something I will never see.

Wishing for clarity, and a little light,
To help me through each sleepless night,
I always believed he was the one for me,
But obviously that’s not how it’ll be.





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