Long Term Memory

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It should be long over now.  Years and distance and silence fall between us as an abyss, uncrossable and immeasurably wide.  There should be no trace on you in my thoughts, nor a shadow of you in my memory; Time heals all wounds.

Yet still I can taste your lips on mine, still I can see your face so clearly.  I can track the smell your perfume in a crowd to a single woman, irrationally hoping against hope that it will be you.

It never is.

Years and distance and silence fall between us, and our lives have grown so far apart.

I should be allowed to forget.

I can still smell the heavy air, the trees and the wind.  We were together, and separate.  Connected, and disconnected.  I came because you asked me to, as I always will.  We did our best to create the illusion everyone expected, but I was so tired of those games.  I walked outside, away from that throng of people, just needing that air, and the peace of being alone.  Soon you were there again, and for once you seemed to really understand where I was headed.  You stepped closer.  A look passed between us.  Our lungs reported the cold of the air in visual clouds of exhalation.  Hesitation on your tongue, you reach for my hand.  I could not move, nor speak nor think.  Closer, warmer and more immediate with each moment, you pressed against me.  Building towards such a powerful and desperate screaming need, and yet when we submitted, it was the softest kiss I ever gave or received.  The sky opened then and the snow fell.  Every snow that falls brings me back to that moment.  I have never again felt a kiss that so clearly said “I love you”.

I have felt that kiss on my lips everyday since, despite the years and distance and silence.

I should be allowed to forget.

2 thoughts on “Long Term Memory”

  1. I know the feeling and your poem is so special and beautiful, I know how it feels to always look for that person you always look out if you might see them doesn’t matter where you are.I know the pain and the distance and the hope that you might see them.

    All I can say to you is thank you for writing this it is nothing less than incredible

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