Love is Lonely

I’m tired of you
So damn tired of you
Sick of your head games
Sick of looking at your face

I just want you gone
I don’t care how
Get hit by a car
File the divorce papers
Blow your brains out
I don’t care as long as your gone

I used to love you
Now I can’t stand you
Your smell is nauseating
Thinking of being with you
Makes me want to vomit

I can’t wait for this all to be over
So I never have to look at you again
Everything about you irritates me
And not in a good way

Love has turned to hate
Desire has turned to repulsion
Affection has turned to despising you
Care has become apathy

I don’t wish you well
I just wish you gone

Is this a pointless dream
Are you over me
Do you think you are
Too old to start a relationship
With me now

Is there any hope
In dreaming of a life with you
Am I too late
Have you moved on

If I send you that letter
Will you respond
Or will you throw it away

Could you be interested in me now
I don’t look the same
I’m older, heavier
You could be too
But some how I don’t
Think you are

I remember your sexy lower lip
I wanted to suck on it
Your bedroom eyes
Heavy lidded like you
We’re thinking about
What you would like to
Do to me in the bedroom

You were tall nearly 6 ft
Brown eyes, starting to bald
But that’s ok with those
Eyes no hair would be sexy
Those lips, made for kissing

You would be nearly 60 yrs
By now would you even
Want a relationship now

I screwed up with you
I wanted hot, passionate
Romance, I wanted someone
To take me in his arms
And kiss me senseless
Someone who would talk to me
Bring me out of my shell

You were quiet, shy
Sweet, patient, respectful
Never held my hand
Or put an arm around me
I thought you were not
Interested in me
I waited and waited
For you to make a move
But nothing…..
I wanted you to do something
Anything to show your interest
I started to feel unattractive
Undesirable, unwanted
So I ended things

I met a man that was not shy
Not respectful, not sweet
Not patient he held my hand
Put his arm around me
Sucked me into thinking
He loved me
Abused me for most of our marriage

Now that things are ending
I’m thinking of you and how
You treated me back then
And how stupid I was in letting
You go……..
But had I not gone thru
What I have gone thru
I would not be the person
I am today

I am stronger, more confident
More outgoing, compassionate
Tolerant, understanding
Passionate, loving
I have so much love in my heart
To give and no one to give it to

I was not this person
When you knew me
I know what I want
And pray to God
He will let me have it
I want you
I want a life, what ever is left of it
With someone who is
Kind, patient, respectful
Sweet, loving
I will get you to talk to me
I will kiss you until
You lose control
I will love you
And make you feel special
For the rest of your life

I used to think the only
Person I could count on
Was me, myself
Learn to be strong
To weather the storm, alone

But I’m not alone
I have never been alone
God is always with me
Guiding me, holding my hand
His loving arms around me
Giving me his strength

He wants me to be happy
To love life
Live it to the fullest
To find love again
A good healthy love
With a good, healthy man
Who loves and respects me

I trust God to send me
My Love
I trust him with my heart
My soul, my life

For so long I struggled
To save my marriage
But to no avail
My marriage was doomed
From the start

He swept me off my feet
My head was in the clouds
I did not see how self-centered
He was, narcissistic
Abusive emotionally, verbally
He said I was a horrible
Wife, stepmother, daughter
In-law, I believed him
For 12 years I believed him

I finally went to see a councilor
To fix me
She helped me to realize
I was fine, he was abusive
Controlling, spiteful
That threatening me with divorce at
Every opportunity was a way
To control me and get what
He wanted
As long as he got his way
He was happy

Well he has threatened
Divorce again…
Now I’m ready
He will get NO warning
Just divorce papers in
The mail
I’m DONE
I would rather live alone
Than be married to him
Any longer!!

I want my FREEDOM!