Count on God

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I used to think the only
Person I could count on
Was me, myself
Learn to be strong
To weather the storm, alone

But I’m not alone
I have never been alone
God is always with me
Guiding me, holding my hand
His loving arms around me
Giving me his strength

He wants me to be happy
To love life
Live it to the fullest
To find love again
A good healthy love
With a good, healthy man
Who loves and respects me

I trust God to send me
My Love
I trust him with my heart
My soul, my life

For So Long I Struggled

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For so long I struggled
To save my marriage
But to no avail
My marriage was doomed
From the start

He swept me off my feet
My head was in the clouds
I did not see how self-centered
He was, narcissistic
Abusive emotionally, verbally
He said I was a horrible
Wife, stepmother, daughter
In-law, I believed him
For 12 years I believed him

I finally went to see a councilor
To fix me
She helped me to realize
I was fine, he was abusive
Controlling, spiteful
That threatening me with divorce at
Every opportunity was a way
To control me and get what
He wanted
As long as he got his way
He was happy

Well he has threatened
Divorce again…
Now I’m ready
He will get NO warning
Just divorce papers in
The mail
I would rather live alone
Than be married to him
Any longer!!

I want my FREEDOM!

One Chapter is Over

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One chapter is over
It should have been
Over a long time ago
The abuse, the neglect
What did I ever see in him
He is so cold
Unfeeling, callous
He thinks only of himself
What he wants
What is good for him
No one else

It is time to go
Leave this prison
Spread my wings
And fly far from here

Time for the new chapter
To begin
New people, new places
New love….
An adventure
The possibilities are endless

Look up old loves
For new beginnings
Second chances
I’m a different person, now
I want a person who loves me
Respects me
Someone who still thinks of me
30 years later
What love that must be

I want that love
I need that love
I will find that love
I will love that man
I will give that man the best
Rest of his life
If he will just love me

I Think of You Often

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I Think of You Often
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I think of you often
What would life
Have been like with you
If we were together

If you had just
Talked to me
Showed interest in me
Held my hand
Looked into my eyes
Put your arm around my shoulders

Took me in your arms
Kissed me
Your lips on mine
Searing down my neck
Your hands blazing
A path down my back
Cradling me against your body

Opening me to you
With gentle hands
Cupping me
Fill me up
Till I explode
Liquid lightening

But you didn’t
You were quiet
Shy, so was I
For 2 months
We went out
But never really got to
Know each other

If I were different then
If you were different then
I should have tried harder
I wish I had been different, then
I am different, now
Are you?
Are you still interested
I’m scared to find out
What if you don’t live
Up to what is in my head
What if you take one look at me
And say…I dodged a bullet on that one

I so want you to be the man in my head
To have the life, in my head
That I dream of with you
But I’m scared, the dream is safe
Reality isn’t

I am Forgotten

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I am forgotten
I am overlooked
I am ignored
I am underestimated

I am beginning to get used
To this treatment
I don’t know how to
Change it

I don’t know how to
Get others to treat me
With more respect

Everyone does it
Family, friends
Even strangers
People on the street

I am so alone

I wish I would just die
I am so tired
Worn out
I want it to be over

I’m tired of the
Constant pain
The pain of living
With no joy
No happiness

Everything is a chore
Even the task of
Taking a shower
Is an effort

There is no light
Anywhere to be seen
Just darkness
No love, no touch
No whisper
Of love in my life

Why am I here
What purpose do I serve
Why don’t you want me
To come home God?

Please God let me come home…….